What I Did On My Holidays

An extended version of the travel notes I took while wandering Europe in August 2006, with included fantastic pictures. Further pictures can be found in my gallery and in Ben's gallery

08/08:: We arrive in Paris, in Charles de Gaulle airport. We spend some time navigating Charles de Gaulle, and eventually end up in Gare d'Est. Fearing to navigate the Paris metro, we decide to walk to the youth hostel. A handy map in the station shows us a direct route, and we are off! However, the map fails to show that the broad straight avenue we are to traverse is in fact Paris' red light district. We are first surprised, then amused and then somewhat aghast at the sheer scale of it. Vast red letters spelling "SEX" shoot into the sky for kilometres. We hurry through, and eventually reach the hostel, which is predictably twice as far as we had thought.
09/08:: So, we are in Paris. We determine to perform the obligatory Paris-related actions. We find the Eiffel Tower and climb to the second level. At this point, what was a lovely morning turns into a wild and windy afternoon, but we perservere because we're British, damn it. Once we have conclusively demonstrated that we are not to be cowed by mere rain we descend again, and wander Paris for a while, looking for food. We discover that there are a bunch of beggers wandering Paris asking tourists if they speak English. If they answer in the affirmative, they are handed a begging letter explaining that the mother of the begger is dying, etc. The first time this happened we were so surprised that we eventually had to give them money to make them leave. The second time I instantly forgot how to speak my native language. Silly me. We eventually end up on the Chanps-Elysses, staring at the Arc de Triomph and a sort of millionaire's sandwich supermarket. This has a restaurant attached, and we determine to get rpped off with style. I order water and get orange juice, and Wei attempts to order an ice-cream, which confuses the waitress immensely. After this, we visit Notre Dame cathedral and see a statue of Noah's wife. We then return to the hostel and play cards with a Chinese guy who consoles me for my lack of skill with the proverb "Unlucky in the gambling den, lucky in the dating game". Indeed.
10/08:: We take the train to Strasbourg. We repatedly forget directions to the youth hostel, resulting in repeated visits to tourist information. When we try to change traveller's cheques, the woman in the post office vents her feelings on Ben by calling him a "putin", to our amusement.
11/08:: We spend the day in Strasbourg, climbing the cathedral, and looking at the river. We narrowly miss the striking of the astrological clock. We then take the train to Freiburg via Offenburg. In Freiburg we once again walk to the hostel, which is once again much farther than we expected.
12/08:: In the morning we go into Freiburg, where we gain internet access by the simple expedient of wandering into an internet café and saying "ein internet, bitte". We then search for a laundry for the rest of the morning and draw a blank (I do not believe there is a laundry in Freiburg). In the morning we go into the forest and find some very large slugs. Here I will divulge a terrible secret. The Black Forest is in fact not black but dark green.
13/08:: We go to Freiburg's Schlossberg; a hill where there isn't a castle any more. We find a slide we christen the "Tunnel of Doom", for somewhat involved reasons. It rains, and we spend some time under an umbrella attempting to play "I spy" in German. Eventually we tire of this sport and take the train to Heidelburg, where we finally take a tram to the hostel.
14/08:: Heidelburg. We go to the castle, which is most excellent. We see a golden statue of the Pope. In the afternoon, we go to the zoo. We finally find a laundry.
15/08:: We venture into Heidelburg to get various necessities. Most of them are easy, except for a post office. For this we attempt to get to Bismarckplatz by jumping on an arbitrary bus. We then realise that we have no need to go to Bismarckplatz and are on the wrong bus anyway and jump off again. We buy some books in an "English Shop". We then take the train to Prague, via München. There is a major accident and the train is late enough to make us miss the Prague train. So we end up in München for the night. For some inexplicable reason, all shops are closed, and the restaurants are all closed for tea (!). We suspect some sort of Plot.
16/08:: An unexpected day to spend in München. We go to Beethovenplatz. We do not take a train to Ingolstadt, in a very suspicious manner. We go to the castle, which is great and contains a "Temple of Apollo", for a reason that probably made sense at the time. While we are in München, we see a poster for a film entitled "The Seven Dwarfs" (more like giants), with the byline "Die Wald ist nicht genug." I record this as it is the only German pun I have ever seen. We then go to Prague, arriving quite late, and taking a taxi to a remarkably lame hostel.
17/08:: In which it is quite hot in Prague. We go to a somewhat misnamed castle, and fight through many many tourists. We cross the mighty bridge, and eventually take a train to Brno. In Brno, we determine to get food from the supermarket. We walk past an open Pizzeria to a supermarket, which is shut. We then return to the Pizzaeria, which has also shut by this time.
18/08:: The Day Of The Hand of Fate. We determine to visit the limestone caves in Blansko. Upon arriving in Blansko, we get on what turns out to be the wrong bus. Although when we buy tickets the bus driver just takes our money and puts us down the closest to our destination he goes. We get off at somewhere labelled "Zastaka", but we cannot find it on the bus map. We walk hopefully in what might be the right direction, and when we pass another stop labelled "Zastaka", we realise that this may be Czech for "Bus Stop". Eventually we reach the place where the right bus stops and discover a train goes to the caves. As we are quite hungry by this time, we determine to walk to the caves so we can have lunch on the way. We consult a map. The map is rather ambiguous, and we take the wrong road. After walking for some time, we realise this, climb a hill in order to determine if the road in fact goes anywhere and learn that it does not. So, we return and take the right path. When we reach the top of the hill, we realise that the first road in fact eventually curves around and reaches the top.We then realise that the signs misled us and this path goes nowhere near the caves. We eventually reach the caves, only to find they are sold out, so we take the train back to Brno, after a pleasant day wandering woods. In Brno we get on a tram again, and realise that the tram map also bears no resemblance to reality. The tram then breaks down, and we use SCIENCE to discover our location and reach the hostel. We eat in a restaurant and discove that the beer is significantly cheaper than the water. It also comes in massive steins and is 12% alcohol. The food is also good.
19/08:: We catch the early morning train to Ostrava, and then arrive in Krakow, Poland. We discover our room is to be shared with several virtuous Irish maidens.
20/08:: We are guided through Krakow, by some Polish friends of mine. There are many churches, and there is a castle and a statue of a metal dragon.
21/08:: We visit the salt mines at Wielicska. These vast underground edifices were clearly the seat of the power of the Polish kings in bygone days and are filled with salt sculpture and cavernous underground churches. The lifts out are rather remarkable, being just metal mesh boxes in which you shoot up. We have lunch by choosing arbitrary Polish items from the menu. We then visit Auschwitz, which is depressing. We have Polish pancakes; naleshniki!
22/08:: We take a train to Vienna, which is delayed by four hours due to storm damage on the line. The storm devastates Budapest. We are glad that we elected not to visit Budapest that day. We arrive in Vienna late.
23/08:: Vienna. We see many gardens, and parks. We see the Vienna art gallery, which is full of pictures of fat women. We have lunch and go to Vienna cemetary, where we find the graves of Mozart, Beethoven, Shubert, Strauss, Boltzmann and many others. We also see the cathedral, which is rubbish, and visit the Danube, which is bordered not by a broad boulevard but by a motorway.
24/08:: We take the early train to Salzburg. Ve do not go to ze castle, because it iz expensive. We get caught by the rain and eat in an "Irish Pub"; these being a peculiar phenomenom found all over Europe. They are standard British pubs, weirdly teleported several hundred miles and given a name like "O'Malleys". I have never been to Ireland, so whether they have such things there I cannot say. But this one was actually run by an Irishman. Since it was raining hard that evening, we determine to watch Pirates of the Caribbean 2. It is in German, but we care not for such trifles, and in the event it doesn't matter a whole lot.
25/08:: We visit the city of Salzburg, wherein is located Mozartplatz, Mozartsgeburtshaus and many other Mozart-related things. Various exciting hills about the city, no doubt alive with the Sound of Music. I would like to be clear that, having never watched the Sound of Music, I was unaware that it was set in Salzburg until I got there. I have now watched it, because it was showing in the hostel every evening. I think Rodgers and Hammerstein must have been insane.
26/08:: We take the early train to Ljubljana, wonderful capital of Slovenia. We discover that in Slovenia, *everything* shuts on the weekend. Including banks. Ljubljana itself is a tiny city, with a castle on a hill that is still being built.
27/08:: We visit the castle, which is still under construction, and where we view a marvellous 3D video about the history of Slovenia. Upon returning to the hostel, we manage to get some free beer. The way this works out is this; we had left some eggs in the hostel fridge. Upon returning, it was discovered that the kitchen was being cleaned. Now, the cleaners did not speak English and we definitely didn't speak Slovenian. By mighty linguistic exercises, Ben managed to convey that he wanted something from the fridge. The eggs were not there, but despairing of conveying "egg" by gestures, he settled on acceping the beer and nodding and smiling. Eventually another cleaner turned up who spoke some english, explained that the eggs had gone off, but they were cleaning the fridge totally and he might as well keep the beer. We then take a train to Lake Bled, which turns out to be quite tiny, with a church on an island in the middle of it. We do not go to ze castle again.
28/08:: The guide book says that the nearby lake of Bohinj is smaller and less tourist ridden. So, to Bohinj we go! We walk around the lake, which is pleasant, and we visit the largest waterfall in Slovenia, which turns out to be, well, rather small, and moreover concealed behind a large metal gridwork. It also costs 2 € . As we walk back, it starts to rain. The rain stops, so, the eternal optimists, we hire a canoe. It starts raining again and we take a covered boat back to the bus stop.
29/08:: We depart Bled for pastures new, via Ljubljana. We attempt to find a supermarket with the aid of an Australian, who becomes the first person to warn us about Naples. We do not find the supermarket, but we do find a bookshop and the headquartes of the Slovenian liberal democrats. We receive directions in the bookshop, which for some reason turn out to be to a ladies underwear shop. Eventually we find a different supermarket. We then venture off to Bassano del Grappa, because it is near Venice. Amazingly, we get there without a whisper of a hitch.
30/08:: After a short wander around Bassano, we go to Venezia. Venice is much as it was the last time I visited. It is still the remnants of a pirate empire, overrun by tourists and gradually sinking into the lagoon. It is also remarkably hard to navigae without a map.
31/08:: We take the train to Florence. In which we see he churches, the castle (which has a sign saying "no tourists"), a man in a park who feeds the pigeons until they come close to him, reaches out and picks one up (we thought he was about to eat it), holds it for a while, and then lets it go and walks off, leaving three perplexed tourists in his wake. We also witness, outside the museum that contains the Michelangelo's David, a seller of paintings from the pavement suddenly pick up his own wares and sprint down the road with them, pursued (possibly coincidentally) by a white car. We are at a loss to explain these proceedings.
1/09:: We take the long train to Naples. A woman on the train warns us "Napoli è una bella citta, ma pericoloso". We are Napoli for all of ten minutes before we take the train to Pompeii. That evening, after a wander around the city, we watch kung-fu films in Italian, which makes little difference.
2/09:: We attempt to take a bus to Vesuvius. In doing this, we have first-hand experience of the strange Italian bus system. The way it works is this. Buses collect up in the square, and the bus drivers stand around talking loudly in Italian and gesturing at each other. Eventually one of them gets bored with this and looks around for passengers. Having spotted us, he shouts (and gestures) "Hey, you boys! Come 'ere! Vesuvio??" to which you reply "Vesuvio!!". He then instructs you in the complex system of purchasing tickets, and you get on the bus. Needless to say, timetables are ignored. The bus goes halfway up the mountain until it finds another bus. The bus drivers have what sound like an argument, but could be anything, because *eveything* sounds like an argument in Italian. You then get off the first bus and on to a second, which drives you to the top. Occasionally the bus drivers will almost run into large lorries, after which both parties will stop and shout at each other for a bit. If the driver gets a phone call, he will answer it with one hand, and if he has a particularly important point to emphasise, he will gesture with his other, letting the bus drive itself. And in Italy, staying in your lane, obeying priority, etc. are entirely optional. Viva Italia!
We eventually get to the top of Vesuvius, which proves to have a view well worth it; the entire Bay of Naples spread out below you like the hill of particularly crazed ants, and the crater itself smoking gently to itself. After lunch we visit the ruins of old Pompeii, which is better described in pictures than words, but is truly magnificent. Ancient houses with their wall decorations still intact, the Stygian baths where the populace cowered as the volcano god grew angry. The brothel on the corner that is the picture of Pompeii shown in the Cambridge Latin Course. The circus. Eventually we wander off, with other tourists still lurking the streets like so many anachronistic ghosts.
3/09:: The glorious Italian rail system is demonstrated to us, as the train to Napoli from Pompeii is late, so we miss our connection. Since we have several hours to spend in Napoli, we venture out into the city in search of the beach. We do not find it, although we are offered some second hand laptops. We return to the station, bemused by the sheer activity of the city. We attempt to buy reservations (in fact, we try to get reservations for free, since it is the fault of Treno Italia that we need them) to Pisa, but the ticket people won't even speak to us, and I discover that one level of Italian is needed when trying to give people money, and a much higher level is needed to avoid doing so. Eventually we take the train to Pisa (reservationless). The train is almost empty, and no-one seems interested in checking our tickets. Those tickets that are checked have something written on the back, for some reason that escapes me. When we get to Pisa, we discover that the directions to the youth hostel include a bus line that doesn't seem to exist. We therefore jump on an arbitrary bus, and are fortunate to actually arrive at the youth hostel ten minutes before it closes. The Italian in our youth hostel warns us about Napoli again and explains that there was recently a conductors strike in Italy. The youth hostel has no locks on the doors.
4/09:: We visit the famed leaning tower, which is indeed leaning. It is also surrounded by idiots pretending to prop it up with their hands, which affords us some amusement. Eventually we take the train to Luzern, where everyone is *very* polite. An old man in the station directs us to the youth hostel without being asked, and seems about to buy our ticket for us when he hears that we have no francs just now. I explain that our friend has gone to to the station "für money gegetten" and Wei explains again in German and he is placated. When we present the bus driver with incorrect change, he runs around the other buses to get change, bows to the bus driver that gives it to him and buys our ticket for us. We are gobsmacked. When we dismount, we are again offered unsolicited directions. The streets are also quite clean. We decide we like Switzerland.
5/09:: I use the most polite bank in the world in Luzern. We then take the train to Brienz, where the hostel is full, but the town is hot and lovely. We take a paddle boat onto the lake, and some of us swim in the glacial water. We then take a train to Interlaken.
6/09:: The reason we came to Interlaken is to see Meiringen, and Reichenbach falls. Clearly we are not the first to do this, as Meiringen possesses a Sherlock Holmes museum, a Sherlockholmesplatz and an improbable sign bearing the legend "Baker Street, Waterloo". We climb up Reichenbach and look at the ominous depths of water. We climb up the valley behind the falls and up a small mountain. On the way down, we find an exhibition detailing the various adventures of the Sherlock Holmes society in Meiringen, using phrases like "those crazy Brits" and moderately full of factual errors. We manage to get on the train to Interlaken just as it starts raining.
7/09:: We take the train to Lyon, via Bern and Geneva. Bern is full of hippies, and the hostel in Lyon is full of English people.
8/09:: Lyon. We find the free zoo, and start making jokes about ocelots. We also visit the cathedral. In the evening we watch a very silly Chinese propaganda film starring Jet Li and entitled "Le Maitre d'armes".
9/09:: TGV to Paris. We have lunch in the botanic gardens, and wander about Paris a bit.
10/09:: Paris once more, this time in sunlight. We visit the Champs-Elyssés, the Place de la Concorde, the outside of the Louvre (we have no money left to go in), and the Bastille.
11/09:: England!